Still I'm Sad

Old Boney M song - my time....my theme...
I just can't seem to get it right. The whole formulation.
Just when I think that the ship is sailing on an even keel....heck! Yet another blistering storm in the middle of the ocean. Yet another shipwreck.
A wreck....not a bad name for a woman named 'me'.
Can't take much more of this. Or else beat a hasty retreat from the playing field.
Whatever. Its not good. Its not right.
It can't be him/them/those. The recurrence indicates the virus origin from within me.
If I begin hating myself, I will lose the battle of life.
If I don't, my yearning to live will win. And I will still lose.
Whatever I try. However much I hope. Although I refuse to succumb.
Still I'm Sad.