Motherhood

“Although you are so wrinkled and your face is still so pale,
And the only song you seem to know sounds like a shrilling wail,
When you are here before me, finally, I feel complete.
I've waited so long, sweetheart. . . at last, we finally meet.”

And that was what it was. A recognition of the deepest part of me. Through the anxiety of an emergency C-section. Through the uncertainty of premature labour. When I first beheld my wizened little baby, I knew my life had found its destiny.
I lift my grateful heart to the heavens. In thanks to the God who designed me for motherhood. For I was born to give birth. I was nurtured to nurture.
His name is Marc. And in the two and some months since his arrival into this world, my life has been awash in the innumerable hues of maternal emotion. Love and despair, care and concern, fear and joy. All inspired by this little package of toddling wonder. And I marvel. At Nature’s mastery. In crafting a creature so perfect. A symbol of the coming together of two people. So evident. In his eyes, I see his father. In his voice I hear my own. And yet. So uniquely himself.
What will your future be, my son? How will the world look upon your person?
I wonder. I worry. But then I remember. Marc’s life is God’s gift to me. And so, it stands to reason. His living is my thanks to God. My daily iteration of gratitude. From the time I awaken to his sleeping countenance. Through every moment of his mischievous, endearing day. Until his baby hand closes around my finger and his eyelids gently flutter shut. Good night, Marc. I look forward to tomorrow with you. And I can’t help but smile.

Wanna be

Realisations seem to be pouring in through the back door of my mind, these days.... Don't know why they never arrived the simple way,when they ought to have.... I guess, a really tardy guest is still better than a table full of food and no one to share it with.
A couple of days ago, I was reading a fellow blogger's blog....now that's what I call a hardworking sentence..... And I realised, that her intellect, thought process, positive energy and spirit were exactly what I wanted mine to be....
And then I met a younger man who hit the right note with my hormones.... He insisted on addressing me as his elder sister, his eyes twinkling with all the vibrance and virility of his being .... and I so wanted to be younger.... by a few years....at least!

I realised tht I was the essential wanna be waiting in the wings.... to make her entry....but not so sure as whom....

So I decided to take stock...
Precariously perched on the half way mark of my thirties....way over the edge on the weighing scales.... neck deep in marital mess... up to my eyeballs in work I was pretending to be good at.... hmmmm ....if one was looking for a reason to re-write certain chapters... all available, right here!

And then a chubby little hand wormed itself into mine. My soul mirrored in two bright eyes, looked up at me and his voice trilled, "I love you, Mummy."
He is my world, and I, his. When we are together, our world is right. Even in sleep, we hold hands...TIGHT! His eyes were shining for me that evening.
And yes. At that moment, I didn't wanna be anybody.....but me....

Why deadlines?

Its the truth. I just can't seem to function without a deadline. And I've tried. Hard. To no avail.
A writing job's come up and I've been requested to deliver my copy in two weeks' time. Of course, I don't intend to start work on it until the night before my deadline expires. Its not as if I don't sit in front of the computer, faithfully open the write folder / file and page. And then stare at the monitor screen - which is as blank as my mind.....
No words, no ideas...zilch.

As I write this, scripts for a short film and an Audio visual are ahnging over ny head like a twin edged sword of Damocles. And yet? I choose to fill another empty page in my blog. Why?
Can someone explain?

A deadline is supposed to be negative inspiration. But it works, every time. Maybe, that's why the diets don't...the resolutions fail...the good intentions get lost somewhere in the haze of indefinitude.

Do I need to work on my attitude? Direct my energy towards a single focus? Or just allow the laissez faire lapses to persist?

Hmmm... lemme think....errrrr....by when would you like to know??