Letter to my sisters

Hi sisterrrrrrrssss!!!!

 

I know I've been pretty quiet and not sending any updates, but that's cos I've been on the move constantly!

 

I went to the Dubai Mall and saw the most amazing sights there including a Candy Store the size of Rajiv Gandhi INdoor Stadium, an underwater zoo and the most beautiful aquarium that is 2 storeys high. I watched the soul stirring display of the musical fountains and craned my neck as far back as possible to look at the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khaleefa!!

 

I travelled on the Dubai Metro and got a bird's eye view of the amazing city that Dubai is.

 

I went on a city tour and saw all the historical and modern landmarks of Dubai. I took lots of pictures too until my camera decided to give up on me.... So no more photographs... :(

 

Last evening I met Uncle Bill, Aunty Sheila and Rahul. We went to the IKEA store, which was a dream visit for me!!! Although I didn't buy anything, I still felt like I had achieved a goal that I had set for myself years ago.

 

Today I stayed put in the house and made Pressure Cooker Biryani and Red Fish Curry for Preetham and Reena. Reena is thrilled cos her son was demolishing it and she can't cook to save her life!!!

 

And now I am gearing up for my last jaunt. I am going to visit Dragon Mart.

 

Its been a fabulous trip and I've done it alone. With my walking shoes and a backpack, I have figured out my way through buses, cabs, metro trains and what not. The sense of freedom is immense and my mind has enjoyed this holiday more than my feet have. I never thought such a holiday would have been possible. But it happened and I am so glad and grateful for it.

 

I will head for the airport tonight by 12 and I will be re-united with my son tomorrow morning. I don't know if I should feel guilty that I'm NOT feeling guilty about leaving him behind.....

 

But next trip should be one we take together.

 

Love you all!

Waiting for the morrow.... Or longing for yesterday??

Warm memories of a re-union just past. Anxiety over the murky future....
So, what's it going to be?
A lingering smile over water that's well under the bridge and en route to the sea? Or a nervous flutter in the pit of my belly as the spectre of tomorrow looms closer.
Between the two, I guess, the only thing i'm not doing is living my life in the bright and cheerful bustle of today.

Still I'm Sad

Old Boney M song - my time....my theme...
I just can't seem to get it right. The whole formulation.
Just when I think that the ship is sailing on an even keel....heck! Yet another blistering storm in the middle of the ocean. Yet another shipwreck.
A wreck....not a bad name for a woman named 'me'.
Can't take much more of this. Or else beat a hasty retreat from the playing field.
Whatever. Its not good. Its not right.
It can't be him/them/those. The recurrence indicates the virus origin from within me.
If I begin hating myself, I will lose the battle of life.
If I don't, my yearning to live will win. And I will still lose.
Whatever I try. However much I hope. Although I refuse to succumb.
Still I'm Sad.

Motherhood

“Although you are so wrinkled and your face is still so pale,
And the only song you seem to know sounds like a shrilling wail,
When you are here before me, finally, I feel complete.
I've waited so long, sweetheart. . . at last, we finally meet.”

And that was what it was. A recognition of the deepest part of me. Through the anxiety of an emergency C-section. Through the uncertainty of premature labour. When I first beheld my wizened little baby, I knew my life had found its destiny.
I lift my grateful heart to the heavens. In thanks to the God who designed me for motherhood. For I was born to give birth. I was nurtured to nurture.
His name is Marc. And in the two and some months since his arrival into this world, my life has been awash in the innumerable hues of maternal emotion. Love and despair, care and concern, fear and joy. All inspired by this little package of toddling wonder. And I marvel. At Nature’s mastery. In crafting a creature so perfect. A symbol of the coming together of two people. So evident. In his eyes, I see his father. In his voice I hear my own. And yet. So uniquely himself.
What will your future be, my son? How will the world look upon your person?
I wonder. I worry. But then I remember. Marc’s life is God’s gift to me. And so, it stands to reason. His living is my thanks to God. My daily iteration of gratitude. From the time I awaken to his sleeping countenance. Through every moment of his mischievous, endearing day. Until his baby hand closes around my finger and his eyelids gently flutter shut. Good night, Marc. I look forward to tomorrow with you. And I can’t help but smile.

Wanna be

Realisations seem to be pouring in through the back door of my mind, these days.... Don't know why they never arrived the simple way,when they ought to have.... I guess, a really tardy guest is still better than a table full of food and no one to share it with.
A couple of days ago, I was reading a fellow blogger's blog....now that's what I call a hardworking sentence..... And I realised, that her intellect, thought process, positive energy and spirit were exactly what I wanted mine to be....
And then I met a younger man who hit the right note with my hormones.... He insisted on addressing me as his elder sister, his eyes twinkling with all the vibrance and virility of his being .... and I so wanted to be younger.... by a few years....at least!

I realised tht I was the essential wanna be waiting in the wings.... to make her entry....but not so sure as whom....

So I decided to take stock...
Precariously perched on the half way mark of my thirties....way over the edge on the weighing scales.... neck deep in marital mess... up to my eyeballs in work I was pretending to be good at.... hmmmm ....if one was looking for a reason to re-write certain chapters... all available, right here!

And then a chubby little hand wormed itself into mine. My soul mirrored in two bright eyes, looked up at me and his voice trilled, "I love you, Mummy."
He is my world, and I, his. When we are together, our world is right. Even in sleep, we hold hands...TIGHT! His eyes were shining for me that evening.
And yes. At that moment, I didn't wanna be anybody.....but me....

Why deadlines?

Its the truth. I just can't seem to function without a deadline. And I've tried. Hard. To no avail.
A writing job's come up and I've been requested to deliver my copy in two weeks' time. Of course, I don't intend to start work on it until the night before my deadline expires. Its not as if I don't sit in front of the computer, faithfully open the write folder / file and page. And then stare at the monitor screen - which is as blank as my mind.....
No words, no ideas...zilch.

As I write this, scripts for a short film and an Audio visual are ahnging over ny head like a twin edged sword of Damocles. And yet? I choose to fill another empty page in my blog. Why?
Can someone explain?

A deadline is supposed to be negative inspiration. But it works, every time. Maybe, that's why the diets don't...the resolutions fail...the good intentions get lost somewhere in the haze of indefinitude.

Do I need to work on my attitude? Direct my energy towards a single focus? Or just allow the laissez faire lapses to persist?

Hmmm... lemme think....errrrr....by when would you like to know??

The mood's off

With just my second post, I already sound like a crank!
Great going...
On second thoughts, life's too good to waste on this kind of mind@&^!%.
So, gotta crank up the tempo and get back into the groove of happy living. After all, can't have this empty page blotched with wet moping and murky meanderings.

The mood's off

With just my second post, I already sound like a crank!
Great going...
On second thoughts, life's too good to waste on this kind of mindshit.So, gotta crank up the tempo and get back into the groove of happy living. After all, can't have this empty page blotched up with wet moping and murky meanderings.

Dieter's Distress

This is a real distress call. Every night as I go to bed, I find myself making resolute avowals to go on a diet from the moment I wake up.
Its the same story every night.... So you can imagine my distress.
So, I keep wondering if I'm the only one in the world with such sub zero levels of will power.
What's the deal with dieting? How do I get on one and then stay there...at least until I lose...well...like a lot of weight....!!!!